PC Gamer - November 2011

12 things computers
are good for
besides games
Homework! Finances!
Amazing! (p. 7)

November 8th, 2011

by Chris Hanel and Michael Owen

1200 Microsoft Points

Peter Molyneux takes free-to-play all the way

GUILDFORD—At a Tuesday press conference, Lionhead Studios head Peter Molyneux announced breathlessly that his next game will take the growing free-to-play (F2P) business model to new heights by forgoing all revenue streams and making the entire game available for no cost.

“You see, in the F2P market, as the entry
price goes down for gamers, revenues con-
sistently go up. So our game will be free.
The collector’s edition? Free. All DLC will
be free. Everything is free. As a result, we’ll
make billions!”
Molyneux, no stranger to bold predic-
tions and idealistic goals, took initial skepti-
cism from the press in stride, using a chart
to demonstrate the relationship between
price and expected profit.

NEWSLINE

Enemies Union agrees to currency switch Q Will carry credit, not gold, to conserve inventory space Politics

Xbox on Windows?
Apple responds with
PS3 support
Strange bedfellows in the
new “hybrid market”

Milestone: 6 millionth forum user suggests TIE Fighter reboot

Online stores add artificial lines Q Will deliver “an authentic holiday shopping experience” Business

CUPERTINO— Crediting quick thinking and poor fact-checking by executives, Apple and Sony today announced a deal to bring PlayStation 3 games to the Mac. The deal is being called a reaction to long-debunked rumors, started by some website back in early July, that Xbox 360 games would be playable on Windows 8 PCs.

“This deal seemed like a
natural fit,” glowed Kevin
Butler, Sony’s new VP of
i Tunes Playlists, as he
attempted to load a Blu-ray
disc into his iMac’s DVD
drive. “Apple and Sony have
both long been innovators in
producing shiny
hardware loaded
with DRM.”
Microsoft, real-
izing that it must
now actually deliver
on the bogus Xbox-
Windows cross-
compatibilty story,
Specifics remain sketchy, but
an unnamed source familiar
with the plans confirmed a
new Blue Screen of Death
achievement.

responded with its own plans in a press release. “With Windows 8, PC gamers will finally be able to share in the experience of high-definition 720p gaming, the industry’s longest loading times, and paying $50 per year for basic online functionality.”

SF—LucasArts execs celebrated today as Reid Grace, 32, logged onto his favorite forum and proposed a radical idea: that the TIE Fighter franchise should be remade for today’s audiences.

“This is brilliant. Literally no one has ever thought of this,” a LucasArts press release remarked. Grace was last seen being flown by helicopter to LucasArts to be received as its new vice president.

Game developers running out of names for dimensional gateways

Civ 5 AI realizes
it does nothing
but play Civ 5,
rethinks life
Q Vows to quit after one
more turn Health
Local hero
convinces his
mom to level
his Wo W alt Q
Claimed it was a
Facebook game Living

AUSTIN—A lead writer suffered a nervous breakdown yesterday when his team failed to find a name for a dimensional gateway which didn’t involve “rifts,” “portals,” or any of the other 25 currently copyrighted terms. After the episode, the game’s producers announced that their legal team would assume writing duties on what is tentatively known as “COMPLIANT GAME PRODUCT.”